lunch break and i walk to the beach where the city tried to cover up the goose shit with lots of new sand.
girls on blankets and beach towels are getting tans in thong bikinis, sunning their butt cheeks. kids make sandcastles and jump in the wading area of the mighty thompson river.
there’s a breeze and it catches the heady scent of coconut tanning lotion, beers drank sneakily out of coolers, hot dogs, weed smoke and promise.
desert city summer – here you are, it would seem and we all come out into the heat to worship at the banks of the twins rivers who give this city her name. and this city is a wiry bitch carrying a fringed leather bag wearing cut off jean shorts ready to start and finish some shit at the bingo hall, full of love and pain all rolled into one.
a girl stops me on the beach as i walk and I notice she is beautiful with her hair wet from the river, big tall boyfriend with her. she says she likes my outfit and i tell her thank you. she asks where i got my belt buckle and i say a flea market, from and old dude in a tent who sold belt buckles only. people love turquoise and today it looks like i carved out a little piece of the desert city sky and put it on the silver buckle.
some guys pull up on jetskis and start throwing water around. guys being dudes.
i pick up feathers on the beach. not many left today because moulting is almost over but i still get some nice ones. i carry them with me, the girl with the feathers.
little kids play in the water park and they look so happy. tourists in canada shirts take photos in front of the native themed statues and eat big ice cream cones. someone is smoking crack under the big oak tree.
a young dude asks about my tattoos and normally this annoys me but today it doesn’t. he’s nervous to get one and asks where i go and i tell him. he asks if they hurt and i think he’s hoping ill say they don’t, but i laugh and say of course they do. he really wants to get one in memory of his grandfather. he misses him and i know that feeling. i miss nimishoomis, my grandfather and his devilish smile and his pocket full of butterscotch candies and his coal black hair and chocolate brown eyes.
i close my eyes in the park and breathe in slowly. i feel so alive and real and wild. i wish i could show the frightened girl i used to be, the woman i have become.
it is so fucking beautiful.
the city and the river and the grief and the love and the people. my throat tightens as i try to swallow it all down.
i hope that kid gets a really cool tattoo someday.
hospital vespers 