everybody wants my attention
everybody’s got something to sell
a religious song written by bob dylan but i prefer the 16 horsepower version. its how i feel currently about so much.
i grew up on the internet and ive been on it for more years now than i havent been and over the past few years ive began the difficult process of leaving a lot of it behind. im far from some kind of neo luddite but i dislike the hold the internet has on me. i dislike social media and the need to perform for it. hot take culture, memes, boobs and butt, fitness this, fitness that, healing always healing, healing from healing, and it’s all this ego driven hell. do i look hot, who watched my story, is my work worth anything, maybe i should livestream, maybe i should post more, maybe i should post less, maybe i should get a green juice or join a fitness club or book club or hate follow that group of girls i cant stand.
everybody wants my attention
everybody’s got something to sell
there’s that guy i used to like and oh what’s he posted now some stupid ass selfie and he’s shirtless again surprise and i used to think maybe he got it but now his whole vibe seems cheap and commercialized and was it always that way or was i just blind.
i haven’t been posting and i don’t know if i like it or not, does it feel foreign or not, do i feel better or not?
i sit and do my beadwork and drink my tea and i can’t regulate my grief stricken heart so i just keep sewing, bead by bead.
women’s work, women’s grief.
i am not cut out for the algorithm.
at least this beadwork hat is gonna look pretty cool.
hospital vespers 