December 31, 2025
it seems like everyone’s got their list of the things they want to accomplish for the new year. all that new year new me type of vibe.
i dont know if im about all that kind of stuff because i don’t want to make promises and i dont want to say crazy shit like how im gonna go the gym everyday and hustle for dat bread.
when i was young, new years eve meant getting drunk and partying and now, i feel is a time to sent intentions for the things i wish for myself as another year turns ahead. but, i don’t want to hustle and i don’t want to be a boss and i dont want my intentions to be ones consumed of avarice.
so let’s talk medicine. i like big medicine in small places.
- i want to pray more, to smudge more and to continue to look for, find, and appreciate the numinous in my life
- i want to continue to write and to write even more and to just keep writing because i feel most like myself and most at peace when im writing. i started hospital vespers in 2025 and it’s been one of the best decisions ive ever made.
- i want to continue giving myself the freedom to be myself in all of the ways i would like to be, even if those things don’t make sense, aren’t aesthetic or could be seen as cringe. the personal branding programming that is fed to us by social media is toxic and harmful. i wish to continue to reject this.
- i wish to embrace curiosity and a gentle questioning spirit in my quest to understand others and also myself.
- i will endeavour to attend as much ceremony as i can in 2026.
- i will endeavour to continue to uphold and assert my personal boundaries and release what no longer holds me.
- i wish to read more and i wish to learn more and to approach both with a gentle spirit and curiosity. having duolingo taught me that i can gain progress even in small amounts. even if i read a few pages a day, it is better than nothing at all. writing has made me desire reading.
- i will fall in love again.
- i will endeavour to go out more and challenge myself to do different things, make new friends and allow myself to experience wonder, again.
- i will go back to therapy, regularly. ive taken a break of several months that has been needed from regular work and im ready to work again.
- i will continue to talk about grief and loss and mental illness and trauma and spirituality and love.
- im gonna find really cool stuff at the thrift store this year.
- im gonna send more mail to people just because
- im gonna tell more people that i love them and that im grateful for them.
- im gonna make more memes
- im going to laugh a lot
- im going to continue learning swedish (sorry in advance to anyone who has to listen to it)
- im going to make playlists for each month and post them here
- i am going to send more voice notes
- i am going to make more phone calls just because
- i am going to continue to fill sketchbooks and journals and not listen to the voice that likes to say that my sketches and writing aren’t worthy to sully the pages of a book
- i will endeavour to love and use the things i own completely and accept the change in them and in myself. i will not save the good perfume or the good clothes or anything else for a “special occasion”
- i will learn to make something new.
- i want to allow myself to feel happiness in times where i would not have previously allowed myself. i let myself feel joy during christmas 2025 for the first time since my father died and it was extremely meaningful and healing.
- i will endeavour to stop over explaining.
- i want to learn how to dance and make regalia and do my beadwork. i want to learn to drum and sing and do all the things my ancestors had taken from them. i will live for them in ways they could not.
hospital vespers 