something wrong with that girl

December 11, 2025

there’s something wrong with that girl. 

heard it the first time when i was just a kid. an adult speaking to another adult at the christian school i attended. i knew they were talking about me but i didn’t know why. 

maybe it was the swan dive i took off the top of the slide and cracked my tooth up but good. i didn’t cry that day either, just picked myself up and kept on screeching my way through the playground. the nice teacher with her gold cross and hairy legs (first time id ever noticed that women have hairy legs) gave me extra colouring pages and a juice box for not crying.  what i would give now for the same!  maybe i would never cry again if a lady with big boobies and hairy legs and expensive jewelry bribed my tears away. 

heard it in school later from the other kids. from girlfriends and boyfriends, managers and coworkers, pastors and the tired lady who ran sunday school. heard it from my family too. i sang too loud and wasn’t afraid of anything. standing even now at only 5ft/152cm, i’ve always big opinions in a little body. 

something wrong with that girl who put snakes inside the my little pony dream house and got covered in ticks one summer and crashed my bike and read so many books that a nice old teacher bought me lunch at a shitty cafe because she’d never ever seen someone read so much. i was only ten when i read all of those weird caveman sex books in the “clan of the cave bear” series. 

they called me old soul and called me gifted, too. never had to try hard or buckle down. words and writing and art came easy always.  friendship and social norms never came easy if they came at all. 

but the world and society and rules and values and morals have ways of cutting the wings of those whose difference is not immediately exploitable. 

they called me troubled and i am still. 

maybe in another time id be an oracle but instead i eat lentil soup in an office. 

i dont wanna talk about tv or the weather. 

i want to hear you – the real you. 

don’t sanitize or water it down. 

tell me all your fucked up stuff. 

i can take it.