December 2, 2025
i get a free poinsettia with my grocery order this week. it gets left on the porch outside and is baffling to me. i can’t bring it inside because it’s toxic to cats, so i drive it to someone’s house.
i feel weird about christmas garbage being left on my porch because it reminds me of the flowers left on my porch when my father died two decembers ago.
i think about flowers and cold weather on the drive home. i think about the things people have left on my porch – flowers and apology notes, crystals and candy, french onion soup and a lasagna that i didnt eat in the middle of my grief.
i think about french onion soup and how onions make my stomach hurt and how grief makes my stomach hurt too.
i drink pepto bismol and try to remember what my father’s face looked like before he got sick. I try to remember him laughing.
it started with a free poinsettia and i end up thinking of my father’s death bed again.
grief is funny like that.
hospital vespers 